


Bigger Cities

by Borussia



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Teenagers, Cars, First Meetings, M/M, Roma, Strong Language, Teenage Drama, Teensonpartiesdowhatteensonpartiesdo, Trust Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-22
Updated: 2018-08-30
Packaged: 2019-07-01 04:45:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,860
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15766875
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Borussia/pseuds/Borussia
Summary: Lovino is a normal 18-years-old guy, who loves his Fiat and lives in Rome. He needs to pick up his brother from a party and meets Antonio. Unsure of himself and due to his trust issues it is hard for him to let anybody close. Antonio tries anyway.





	1. At the party

**Author's Note:**

> I don`t own the mentioned characters or the series itself. I wouldn´t have two jobs, if it would be the case.  
> I hope you guys can forgive any gramatical or other language mistakes, English isn´t my mother tongue.  
> Feel free to leave feedback, so I can improve my work. Thank you.

The funny thing about a city is the beautiful concept of strangeness. Even though a city is so much bigger than a small village and so hundreds, no, thousands of people can live there, the city is a place of strangers. If you walk through the streets of a city, it is common to see citizens only once in your life. People living in a village meet each other every day. Roma is such a city. When you get to the metro in the time of a rush hour, you‘ll feel packed in like sardines. Spending a day in the city means seeing many faces for the first and for the last time. It doesn‘t matter if it‘s tourists or citizens.  
The same idea works with parties. A big party is much more impersonal. For instance, if there´s somebody you do not want to see this evening, you probably won‘t meet on a big party. Fortunately, you would have more luck than Lovino Vargas. He is the exception and defines this rule. He absolutely cannot explain, why life decides to fuck him of all people. Okay, he knew that the person he does not want to see at any occasion, would be there. Still, he showed up at the party. Just because he was such a good brother. 

Lovino´s brother, Feliciano, graduated and invited him to his party to celebrate it. It seemed a bit like a brotherly duty. Due to the fact that he will leave to the USA for a year and study arts and history of arts there. Lovino wanted to make some memories with his brother before he left. Although they hadn‘t the best relationship because of Lovino´s pushing and building walls. He kind of regretted it.  
The date of the party was set months ago and Lovino had no problem with that part of the story. He doesn‘t even have a problem with his brother and his stupid boyfriend dancing all night long. No, that wasn‘t the point. Maybe it strenghtened the feeling of a ruined day, but it definatly wasn‘t the problem. The problem was Antonio Hernández Carriedo. 

It all started at another party. Antonio and Feliciano went to the same school. Meanwhile, Lovino was on a different one. The party was hold by Feliciano´s class, and he was only there because his stupid brother wanted to drink, so he needed somebody to pick him up. The funny thing is that his boyfriend picked him up, against Lovino´s protests, so it was totally unnecessary that he came. 

When Lovino showed up to the party, Feliciano was already drunk. He met him outside of the house of a classmate. „Fratello ~ You are fin-“ Feliciano tripped while running to his older brother to hug him, but found back his balance. He reached Lovino without kissing the ground. „I thought you would come earlier! You missed the best parts. Like my dancing and singing and good songs and dancing and-“  
„ It isn‘t even twelve and you are already drunk.“ Lovino interrupted his brother, who stuck out his bottom lip and pouted. With his big amber-coloured eyes he could have got away with it. Could have.  
„I really should get you home now, or Grandpa will cut off both of our heads.“  
„But you didn‘t even enjoy the party, Lovi! You just arrived. Come on, only three songs, and then we can go home.“ Feli pleaded.  
„No.“  
„Pretty please?“ again the big eyes.  
„Alright. Three songs, and believe me, I won‘t forget counting.“ he sighed defeated by his younger brother, who got even more excited and took Lovinos arm, to drag him inside. He wasn‘t thrilled to be at the party because he didn‘t know anyone there but his brother and one or three others from his school. Feliciano, who was nearly bouncing beside him, owed him one.

The brothers went in the house, where it smelled of alcohol, smoke, sweat and perfume. Lovino already had enough. He wished himself back home, so he could climb into his bed and sleep the embarrassment away. He hated parties. This was his brother‘s world, not his. There were many teens in the living room, dancing to a century-old song by Justin Bieber. Others sat on the stairs and shared a joint. Noises came from the back of the floor, so Lovino guessed that people were in the garden as well. For Feli´s sake he danced with his brother to a song by Macklemore. His brother´s dancing was something to post on vine. It was utterly ridiculous. His wild movements, let Lovino wonder, if Feli did some yoga in his free time. Nobody could be this supple.  
After the song came to an end, Feliciano squealed and raced to the door. He hugged a tall, blond boy, who awkwardly hugged back. Great, the stupid potato bastard is here, too.  
„But you texted me you had work and couldn‘t come?“ he heard Feli asking.  
„I could leave earlier. I promised to you I would come, didn‘t I?“ the blonde answered. Feliciano stood up on his tiptoes and gave his boyfriend a quick kiss, which looked almost innocent. It turned less innocent really fast.  
Disgusting, thought Lovino to himself.  
„Isn‘t it cute?“ asked someone behind him. Lovino turned around and saw a boy, holding a plastic cup full of strong alcohol. He had curly brown hair, green eyes and was a little taller than Lovino. He wore a white shirt with red suspenders and a bow tie in the same colour. It suited him well.  
„Disgusting, is the word how I would describe it.“ he spoke out loud his thought from earlier. The boy laughed, then asked: „Isn‘t Feliciano your brother?“  
„Yeah, so what?“ Lovino snapped.  
„Just asking. You look a bit like him.“ the boy smiled, not knowing what kind of stupid statement he just said. Although he had a Spanish accent, which made up for it.  
„We are twins, Sherlock.“ Lovino crossed his arms, feeling a little lost, talking to a stranger. Although, they seem to have the same age.  
„Cool, when I was a kid, I always wished for a twin, helping me to trick other people into believing we were the other one. You know, like old Hollywood classics. Sadly, I don‘t have any siblings. I‘m Antonio, by the way.“ he changed the hand, holding the cup, so he could give Lovino his right hand.  
Lovino just stared at it, but took it eventually. Antonio‘s hand was warm and felt comfortable around his own hand.  
„Lovino.“ he stated shortly. Man, this guy could almost talk as much as his brother.  
„Do you want to dance and show them that we are better than them?“ Antonio asked and pointed to Feliciano and his boyfriend, who now are dancing to Taylor Swift.  
Lovino is this close to grasping his brother´s arm and dragging him home. „Not to these kinds of songs.“ Lovino answered instead. He didn‘t want to admit that he really don´t want to embarrase himself because he couldn‘t dance.  
„Oh, I have a perfect idea! Wait here, i‘ll come back.“ Antonio said and ran to the radio to put on another song. Lovino watched him, while he tried to connect his phone with the stereo. 

What the fuck was he doing, he thought to himself. It isn‘t that he is new to all of the flirting and so on. He flirted with a lot of girls, yeah, but he never carried anything further than that. It isn‘t that he didn‘t want to, it´s just his own dumb way of thinking. He wants to meet that one person, everybody is talking about, when they are in love. When his brother and Ludwig Beilschmidt met, it resulted into the worst 6 months of Lovino´s life. It was Ludwig here, Ludwig there. Feliciano couldn‘t speak of anything else. His whole world circulated around him. And then, 3 months ago, the idiotic German finally got the balls to ask Feli for a date. Since that day they were happily together. It seemed almost too easy, if you watched it from Lovino´s point of view. Still, at the end it was never that easy. At least not for him. As long as he doesn‘t have a feeling of getting hurt, he keeps his walls up. He wouldn‘t break them down for somebody he just met. But isn‘t that how everything begins? With taking the risk to get hurt?

Antonio successfully connected his phone to the radio and now searched for a song.  
Maybe all of this is a total supid idea. Lovino doesn‘t need this, or does he?  
He heard an outcry of success, Antonio must have found his song. His train of thoughts was interrupted by Whitney Houston´s I wanna dance with somebody.  
Antonio came back to Lovino with a smirk on his face. „Better?“ he asked, still smirking. He took Lovino´s left hand in his and put the other one on his hip.  
„This isn‘t a song for waltzing, you idiot.“ Lovino mumbled, while laying his free hand on Antonio´s shoulder. His white shirt felt soft under Lovino´s hand.  
„We could always try. Besides, even with dancing out of rhythm, we dance better than half of the people here.“ He began to lead Lovino through the song. A classical 80‚s pop song wasn‘t Lovino´s kind of waltzing songs, but for this one moment he didn‘t rant about it. He tried to enjoy the little dance. They danced to the song and after that one to I want to breake free, where they danced a little less formal.  
Antonio spun Lovino around, sent him into twirls, which made him breathless. He laughed because Antonio started to sing along with Freddie Mercury. Then Lovino realized that he actually hit the right notes. He was impressed.  
Antonio saw the look of disbelief in his face and grinned: „I sing and play the guitar in my free time. No witch work.“  
„Not everybody is such a talented bastard, like you.“ he answered while dancing.  
„What do you do in your free time?“ Antonio nearly shouted because they danced now near the stereo.  
„I like to take photos. And driving around in my car, I guess.“ God, he sounded so stupid, he realized with a light blush.  
The other boy smiled. „Which car do you drive?“  
„Why the fuck is that important to you?“ What did this boy want? Lovino stopped dancing and pulled his hands out of Antonio´s grip. He doesn‘t like all the fake attention. Antonio couldn‘t be interested in him, could he? This conversation feels like performing, to give the other the best impression of himself. He wasn‘t good at this. He wanted to go home now.  
„I want to know you better. I thought you looked lost, when your brother left you alone here. Everybody could need another friend, when he doesn´t know anybody on a party.“ he answered truthfully. „I was in the same situations, some years ago. I know the feeling.“  
„I am not some little bitch, who starts crying when left alone.“ he snarled.  
„I know. This isn‘t what I wanted to tell you with this. Hey, maybe we go outside to get some fresh air? I could fetch you a drink, only if you want?“ Antonio offered.  
Lovino nodded absently, repeating Antonio´s words in his head. 

They sat on the staircase of the veranda. Lovino couldn‘t believe what he was doing here. It is only this one night, he told himself. After that, you‘ll never see him again. He could do this. He could once in a lifetime let his guard down.  
„I drive an old Fiat Regata 70. It was a present from my grandpa, when I turned 18.“ he told him blushing.  
„Wow, do you like old cars?“ he heard Antonio asking.  
„Not all of them. Only some models. Like for example, Fiat 500, the old one. You know, the small car, which is perfect for Italian roads. You‘re never scared to scratch it. And you always find a parking lot.“ he never spoke that much. At least without cursing.  
„Oh yes, I know them! But they are really small. I don‘t know if that would be something for me. No offence. I prefer my Seat Tuledo.“ Antonio made his classic sunshine smile.  
„Then I guess you must be pretty stupido, if you prefer a Tuledo over a Fiat.“  
The other one quitly laughed, which made Lovino blush. „Hey can I ask you something?“  
„You just fucking did, idiot.“ Lovino needed to get his shit together.  
„Why are you so angry all the time?“ There it was. He successfully put Antonio off.  
Lovino didn‘t answer right away. He asked himself that question a lot in such situations. Situations, where he was happy and didn‘t need to be scarred about tomorrow. Situations, where he doesn‘t even need to think about the future. He came to the dumbest and oldest conclusion that came to his mind. He didn‘t want to scare Antonio away. Dio mio, he was so pathetic.  
„Life?“ the uncertainty in his answer made him angry again. He couldn‘t help it.  
„What kind of stupid doctor Freud question is this anyway? If I need a therapy I‘ll let you know, you Bastard.“ he snapped.  
„Whoa, I‘m sorry if I stepped on something personal here. I just want to try understanding you. I like you. You are pretty interesting.“ Antonio smiled again and watched him with a warm look. Why wasn‘t that guy already fed up with him? Why does he make it so hard to stay behind Lovino´s walls? This whole thing feels too intense. Soon it would over throw him.  
„How old are you?“ he heard the other ask.  
„I‘m 18 years old.“ Lovino couldn‘t look into his face.  
„I am 18, too. I finished school now and will be on job hunt, now. How about you? Any big dreams for the future?“ he replied and shifted a little closer to the Italian. He didn‘t move away.  
„I want to become a teacher.“ It was the truth. Two years ago Lovino didn‘t even know what he wanted to do after school and then his English teacher suggested it. When he thought about it, it seemed like a good idea.  
„A teacher? Really? Do you like working with kids?“ Antonio sounded surprised. Like everybody, who heard Lovino talking about it.  
„I like Italian. I want to teach it to others. That‘s enough for me.“  
Antonio wanted to say something but got interrupted by a honey blond girl. She had a red bow in her shoulder-length hair and looked really pretty.  
„Toni, you need to come inside and tell Gilbert that he shouldn‘t strip on the kitchen table. Francis is no help at all. He just keeps throwing money to him.“ she said.  
„I‘m right back, wait here.“ Antonio laid a hand on Lovino´s shoulder and then stood up, to follow the girl back inside.  
I should go and look for Feli, he thought by himself. He didn‘t know why he stayed outside instead.


	2. Cold feet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, I do not own anything from the series.

It only took Antonio 5 minutes to take care of his friend. He came back outside, where Lovino still waited. He paused to look at him. Lovino seemed to be deep in thought.  
„Hey, do you want to go inside and dance?“ he asked quietly.  
„Alright, but before that, I need to look for my brother, to ask him something.“ Lovino answered while standing up.  
The other one nodded and followed him back inside. „I‘ll wait on the dance floor.“ he said with a wink.  
Lovino rolled his eyes and started the search for his brother. He found him in the kitchen, surprisingly alone.  
„Where´s your potato bastard?“ he asked.  
Feliciano, who was sitting on the kitchen counter looked up and started smiling. „He‘s bringing me something to eat.“  
„On what time do you want to go home? I would say in half an hour.“ he suggested.  
„You can drive home on whatever time you want, fratello. Luddy will give me a ride.“ Feliciano begun to swing with his legs, because they didn‘t reach the ground.  
„Are you fucking serious? I just came here so that you don‘t have to drive!“ he felt how the anger boiled inside him. What is his stupid brother even thinking?  
„I‘m sorry, Lovi. It just kinda arranged itself. But hey, I saw you having fun with Antonio.“ his brother smirked and wiggled his eyebrows. That little shit.  
„Shut your fucking mouth and stop with that stupid face.“ he cried and slapped Feli playfully on the back of his head. Feliciano just laughed, while Lovino walked back to the dance floor.

He danced with Antonio to two more songs. Between the second and third song he used the quietness to tell him that he wants to leave now. Antonio pouted.  
„Is there really nothing, that I can do to make you stay longer?“ he asked with a smirk. His face only some centimetres away from Lovino´s, who blushed.  
„No, I have to wake up early, tomorrow.“ he lied.  
„You could sleep with me in my car and I drive you to your appointment tomorrow?“ he muttered into Lovino´s ear. That was enough. This really went way too fast. Lovino had the feeling of loosing control and this was something he will never ever let happen.  
He shoved Antonio away to get a distance. Free space to breathe properly.  
„You take this too fucking fast.“ he tried to gain back control.  
„I do not want to do that thing. I just want to spend time with you.“ Antonio tried to take Lovino´s hand. He retreated.  
„My brother wants to leave, now. Ciao.“ he mumbled and raced outside. 

Soon, he was at his car and tried to unlock it. Then he got in and turned on the engine. He just wanted to sleep and forget all this. God, what did he thought? There was no chance of finding that special someone. It is never that easy. He was ashamed of himself to get up his hopes, that maybe, even if only a really small part of his brain believed this, Antonio would have been that someone. But he wasn‘t. It was obvious what Antonio wants from him, and he wouldn‘t let him go this far.  
He turned the music louder. He didn‘t care what the radio was playing. He just needed the load bass to drown out the memories of a ruined evening. When Lovino was back home, he was alone. Feliciano was still at the party and his Grandpa was sleeping. For the first time in weeks, the Vargas house was quiet. It almost felt wrong, after all the load music of the party, the car radio and Lovino‘s thoughts. He felt incredible lonely.

In the morning Lovino was awoken by Feliciano, who yelled that breakfast is ready. After he was in the bathroom, he went to the kitchen. His brother and Grandpa sat at the table eating a croissant and drinking espresso. He sat down and met Feliciano´s suspicious eyes.  
„Buangiorno Lovi.“ his grandpa said expectantly.  
„Buangiorno.“ he mumbled back. Lovino was tired. Feliciano woke him up, much too early.  
After the breakfast Lovino wanted to shower but got hold up by his brother. He tipped on his shoulder before he could enter the bathroom.  
„Antonio asked me for your number yesterday. I hope it is okay that I gave it to him.“ he spoke fast, in fear of his older brother´s reaction.  
„What? Why didn‘t you ask me first?“ the day was already ruined.  
„Well, he was so sad, because you left. Besides, he asked nicely.“  
Lovino looked on his phone. He had two messages from his brother and one from an unknown number. Great ...  
„Sometimes you are the biggest idiot I‘ve ever known.“ Feli just smiled and gave him a thumbs up.

+39 8876786786  
Hey, it‘s me Antonio :D I am really sorry because of yesterday. I shouldn‘t have rushed things. Maybe you give me a chance to make up for it? :)

Lovino  
Hey. What would you suggest?

Antonio  
Whatever you want. I‘m flexible. How about dinner? Or ice cream? ;D 

Lovino  
Sounds good. What time?

Antonio  
At whatever time you like. Tuesday would be nice :)

Lovino  
I can‘t on Tuesdays. How about Friday?

Antonio  
Alright, then Friday :))  
What are you doing rn? 

They texted the whole week with each other. Although, their texting patterns were very different. While Lovino would take his time with answering, Antonio would answer right away. Lovino did not get really warm with him. He was still unsure about their date. He worried to do something wrong or to embarrass himself.  
Thursday night he lay awake. He just couldn‘t sleep, overthinking his relationship with Tonio. He doesn‘t even know what they could talk about tomorrow. It‘s the same with their text messages. Antonio is the one who does the talking. He started to ask himself if he really wants this. A date. Wasn‘t he happy as a single? All this dating is totally overrated. Maybe he should just say that he got sick. Then he could spare himself the trouble.

The next day, after school, Lovino lied and texted Antonio that he got sick. He wanted to come over and help him to get better, but Lovino declined the offer. Then Tonio sent him some pictures of old Fiat Regatas he saw in his neighbourhood, asking which of them had the same colour as Lovi´s. Lovino didn‘t answer back. In the evening Antonio asked if he felt better, he still didn‘t text back.  
He tried the whole weekend to reach Lovino. Saturdays he even tried to call him.  
On Sunday evening Feliciano knocked on the door to his room. He came in without waiting for a „come in“.  
„Why are you ignoring Antonio?“ Feliciano, who rarely had a bad mood, actually sounded mad.  
„Non of your fucking business.“ he said while trying to read a book. The whole weekend it was hard for him to concentrate.  
„He asked me if you‘re okay because you said you were sick. He was very worried. And then I had to tell him that you‘re fine and that you‘re actually not sick. This means you lied. Also, he asked why you do not want to go out with him. And you know what? I cannot understand it either! Get out of your inner hole, which you think is kilometres deep. The damn ladder is right beside you.“ Feliciano was out of breath from gesticulating wildly.  
Lovino put the book away and sat himself up. He felt how serious his brother was because he swore, which he only did while driving.  
„I guess I‘m fucked up.“ he whispered more to himslef, than in Feli‘s direction. He hoped his brother didn‘t hear it.  
Feli´s gaze got soft. He walked to Lovino´s bed and sat beside his brother, putting a hand on his knee. So he did hear him.  
„No, you are not. But really. Why do you keep pushing him away? Don‘t you want a special someone in your life?“ he asked quietly.  
„I do. Or I don‘t? I don´t know any more. When I see others, who are in relationship, they look so happy. It looks so easy and I want it, too. But then, when it actually happens, it just gets too much for me. I don‘t know how to explain it.“ Frustrated, Lovino pressed his hands on his face and sighed.  
„Maybe Antonio isn‘t my special someone, if I can‘t feel it.“ he mumbled into his hands.  
Feliciano took hold of his wrists and put his hands from Lovi´s face. Lovino looked at his brother, who mirrored a sympathetic expression. His gaze fell back on his hands, which were gently wrapped in Feliciano´s. Suddenly, it felt like he had a lump in his throat and it was difficult to swallow. The silence heavy between them. Then, his brother opened his mouth to say something.  
„How can you be so sure, when you do not really gave him a chance to prove that?“  
Lovino loosened himself from Feli´s grip, feeling tired. He asked himself this question the whole weekend. It was ridiculous, and Lovi knew, that he acted like a little child. This endless back and forth made him sick. Furthermore, it also affected his brother and Antonio. It wasn‘t fair. He needs to be honest to Antonio, even though, it might be just a small flirt from his side and Lovino put too much thought in it.  
„I need to tell him that we do not suit each other.“ he muttered.  
„This wasn‘t what I tried to tell you! I implied that you should give him a chance. What terrible thing could result from that?“ he exclaimed, hinting his frustration.  
„Why do you even care? You already have everything you want. Your graduation, a place at a good university, a loving boyfriend, and a damn stupid, big brother, who does almost everything for you, you spoiled little brat!“ Lovino clenched his fists, jumped from the bed and stomped to the door, to open it. He held it wide open, imitating for his brother to leave him the fuck alone.  
„I want to help you and gave you a shoulder to cry on. Why are you always pushing people away from you? I just want to be a good brother to you, too!“ he cried and stood up from the bed to take some steps towards Lovino. Feliciano´s voice got dangerously high at the end, revealing that he was close to crying.  
„I don‘t want your help. I‘m older than you. So I know what is the right thing to do. For you everything is rainbows and kittens and you‘re always happy and never had a disappointment in your whole fucking life. But let me tell you something. Happy ends, like you desperately try to find everywhere and promise to exist, well, they all are lies people tell themselves to go on with their fucking broken lives. To get their useless hopes up. And what do you do? You fucking believe in it, with your fucked up mind, completely blind for reality. And now, get the fuck out of my room!“ he yelled. He saw that he went too far, when he looked into his brother´s face. Silent tears rolled down his cheeks. When he tried to say something, Feliciano just sobbed and ran past him out of his room, leaving Lovino with regret.


	3. Favourite places

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own anything from the series.

At the same night Lovino texted Antonio, hoping it was the right thing to do. He fucked everything up between him and his brother. An hour ago, he tried to talk with him about it and to say sorry, while his brother and him did the dishes after dinner. But Feli ignored him the whole time, still having red swollen eyes. Their Grandpa asked what was wrong, but Feliciano just said that he watched Titanic. That was answer enough for him, and he let the topic fall. However, it still left Lovino with guilt, seeing his brother like that, just because he, himself, was a coward. Feliciano deserved better. Nobody deserves Lovino´s mood swings and unrational behaviour. So he realized that it was time to get his life together.  
Tomorrow he would start to make it up to his brother. The next person on his list of people he should say sorry to, was Antonio.  
Lovino took his mobile and started to write the message. His text got longer and longer, explaining why he ignored Antonio. When he finished, he read the whole text again. His thumb floated over the sending button. Suddenly, he considered calling Antonio instead of texting. What if a text message wasn‘t enough? Or Antonio understood something wrong?   
He dialled his number and waited, clenching his fist and opening it again nervously. The dial tone mocked him and his anxious nerves. He should have just send that stupid text.  
„Hello?“ he heard Antonio´s voice through his mobile.  
„Ciao.“ he stated confidently. He had to do it. Now or never.  
„Lovino, is everything okay? You didn‘t answer back.“ he could hear Toni smiling, even though he didn‘t see him.  
„I wasn‘t sick on Fridays like I told you. And I didn‘t answer because I am sca- ... worried about all this.“ he made a vague hand gesture.   
„Feliciano told me that you aren‘t sick.“ Lovino waited for Antonio to continue. When the other one didn‘t say anything else, he guessed it was his turn.  
„I am sorry.“ How weak, he thought, facepalming himself.  
„Listen Lovino. Like I told you, I just want to know you better, and if this is already too much for you, then it is okay to tell me. I won‘t push things. I‘ll leave you completly alone, when you tell me now, that this is what you want.“ he explained.  
Lovino stayed silent. He wasn‘t sure of what he wanted. However, he should be honest.  
„I don‘t know what I want, Antonio.“ he sounded more frustrated than he intended to.  
„I don‘t fucking know. In one second it all feels-“ he stuttered, trying to find the right words. „it feels good, Like this is how it should be. I-I just cannot-“ he groaned. This is too much. He didn‘t even know Antonio that well, and already misused him as a therapist.  
Both boys were silent now. The silence was interrupted by Antonio´s sudden outburst.  
„We should meet now. Right now. No rejections allowed. I‘ll pick you up in twenty minutes on the street near your house. See you!“ Lovino heard the click of the line. 

Twenty minutes later he stood on the street, waiting for Antonio. His neighbourhood was deserted except of one or two people who went home from work. It was a clear summer night, typical warm for Italian weather. Lovino waited, wearing only a pair of jeans and an old white t-shirt. In the distance he could see a person walking with big steps right towards him. The person waved. He didn‘t wave back.  
„I didn‘t thought you would come.“ Antonio smiled. His green eyes full of warmth. Lovino´s stomach fell, he didn‘t deserve this.  
He grunted, to let Antonio know he heard him.  
„What now? Why did you want to meet me? Now, in the middle of the night.“  
„Come on, let´s walk a little. I want to show you something.“ Antonio grasped Lovino´s arm and dragged him up the street. He suddenly stopped, letting Lovino walk right into him.  
„What the fuck, Antonio!“ he rubbed his nose.  
„Is this your Regata?“ they stood in front of Lovino´s car, which he parked only some metres away from his house.   
„Yes.“ he said and watched Toni, who walked around the car, admiring it from all sides.  
„There is nothing special about it.“ Lovino mumbled embarrassed. It really wasn‘t. It was just a typical Italian car, with two dents and damage to the paintwork. This is common for cars from the city, still he loved his car. His grandpa bought it for him as present. He was so proud to have his own first car. When he got it there was only one dent. The second one he got from an accident near the Piazza Novana. He didn‘t see the Vespa coming and failed to give way to the driver. The driver of the Vespa and himself were okay, unfortunately the old Regata had his second dent.   
„You love your car, of course, it is special.“ Antonio chimed. He stroked the black top of the car like a cat. It was so dumb, but Lovino never saw anything sweeter. He couldn‘t help and smiled.  
„Beautiful.“ said Antonio fondly.   
„What?“ Lovino didn‘t hear right, did he?  
„The car. It is really beautiful.“ he grinned and kept his gaze on the car.  
„Alright, what was the thing you want to show me?“ Lovino asked.  
Antonio walked back to him, taking Lovino´s hand into his. Lovino could just watch, then he was pulled forwards by the other boy. „I nearly forgot. This way.“ 

They needed about 20 minutes to reach the Piazza di Spagna. While they walked they talked about everything but Lovino´s issues. He actually almost forgot what he was worried about. Sometimes he could even laugh about the things Antonio said, which left the other one proudly beaming at Lovino.   
Some teenagers sat on the Spanish steps and listened to music. They didn‘t take notice of the other two, while they climbed to the top of the stairs.   
When they reached the top, Lovino exclaimed: „I was like a dozen times at the Piazza di Spagna. Is this what you want to show me?“   
„Nope, but it is near. Maybe a 10 minutes walk.“ the other boy responded and turned left.   
„You could have told me that you wanted to do sports with me.“ he huffed.  
„Hehe, you already have a red face. Just like a little tomato.“ Antonio laughed and tousled Lovino´s hair.   
He slapped Antonios hand away and then boxed him on his shoulder.  
„You damn bastard, you are the one, who wants to walk all these kilometres!“  
„Oh thank god, you got back to swearing. I thought you really got sick now.“ he laughed. Lovino instead went silent. Being reminded of his earlier mistake just because he was too much of a coward, felt like somebody pouring a bucket of ice water over his head. Antonio came to a halt and hold Lovino by his shoulders, who now also came to a stop.  
„Hey, it is fine. Don‘t worry about it. Today we have a new start, okay?“   
Lovino nodded, but couldn‘t look into Antonio´s eyes.   
„Hey“ he whispered, letting both of his hands wandering up to Lovino´s cheeks. Antonio stroked with his thumbs over his cheekbones. Now, he looked up and was forced to hold his breath. Antonio´s gaze was full of warmth and affection, letting his green eyes go dark. It felt so intimate and intense. Lovino laid one hand over Antonio´s. His intention was to pull it away, but it was funny, his body reacted almost from alone. He intervened his fingers with Antonio‘s. His smile got wider, and he opened his mouth to say something but got interrupted by a honking car, which drove by. Shocked, they separated from each other. However, Antonio kept his smile and Lovino allowed himself to smile back.

„That´s the place I wanted to show you.“ Antonio leaned over the railing of the Terrazza del Pincio. Lovino stood beside him, both were watching the small people, who walked over the Piazza del Popolo at night.   
Rome at night was just as beautiful as at daytime. In the distance you could see the St. Peter´s Cathedral and high walls of Vatican city.   
„I guess you were like a thousand times here, but, I don‘t know. I just wanted to come up here with you.“ Antonio for the first time, couldn‘t find the words he need.   
„It is also one of my favourite places. Especially at night, then there are fewer people.“  
They were the only ones, except of an old man sitting on a park bench.  
„When I came here to Rome for the first time, I wanted to walk around the city. I soon got lost and was too stubborn to use Google maps. I wandered through the city, and my feet already hurt from that much walking. I asked some people where the street is, where our flat was located, but they weren‘t of any help. I just kept walking. And then I found the Spanish steps, soon after, this place here. It was the first time in weeks, that I had a feeling of home again.“ Antonio looked into the distance, seeming nostalgic.  
„You aren‘t from Italy.“ It was more a statement than a question.  
„No, I‘m from Spain. I lived near Madrid, then my parents got a divorce and I moved with my mother to Italy.“   
„I‘m sorry, because of your parents, I mean.“ Lovino searched for a hint of sadness in Antonio´s face, but couldn‘t find anything.   
„I‘m over it. It is no big deal. Actually, it‘s better for my mother. My father wasn‘t perfect, not at all. He was often drunk and then started to beat my mother. When I got older, I stepped up for her, and soon I was his target. I pushed my mother to get a divorce and to move somewhere else. Some months after that, we arrived here.“ he turned to Lovino, still smiling.  
„What a bastard. Did he just let you go, without any protests?“  
„There was a lot of protests. But I knew that soon we would get away from there and could leave our past in Madrid.“  
Lovino took Antonio´s hand in his, keeping his gaze at the cathedral.   
„It was a good decision. So I could meet you.“ he heard the Spaniard say.  
„Shut up.“ he gave Toni´s hand a squeeze.

It was the Saturday before Feliciano´s graduation party. Lovino and Antonio wanted to meet at the Spanish steps and Lovino came a little earlier, so he didn‘t need to do the dishes. He knew his brother was more than capable of this job.  
At the beginning of the week he apologized to Feliciano. He told him about his fear of rejection and uneasiness about the whole dating thing. He also told him about his little trip to the Terrazza del Pincio and how it resulted into a changing of his feelings. At the end, his brother cried again, but this time because of happiness. He allowed Feli to hug him and then everything went back to normal between them. Except of Feliciano´s smug face, whenever Lovino was on his phone, texting.   
He And Antonio texted the whole week, and Lovino put more trust into him. He promised Feliciano to take the risk of getting hurt. At the beginning it was hard, always waiting for everything to blow up. He couldn‘t imagine why Antonio didn‘t lose interest in him. He told him about his boring life, boring car and boring future wishes, but Antonio was still by his side. It was almost too perfect to be true.   
Lovino´s phone buzzed in his pocket. He pulled it out and saw that Feliciano sent him an image. He opened it and chuckled. It was a picture of a cat, which seemed very polite. On the top of the picture was written: „When your brother left you with the dishes because he went on a date.“

Lovino  
Stop making memes and do the dishes, you idiot.

Feliciano  
You‘ve shovelled your own grave, Lovi. If you have so much time for texting, why don‘t you come back home and help me :P

Lovino  
Fuck off.

Feliciano  
<3 :*

„Who did you text to?“ he looked up registering Antonio, who stood in front of him. He wore a green shirt and black pants. His brown curls were messed up by the wind. He looked stunning, but Lovino wouldn‘t tell him that.  
„My stupid brother.“ he put the phone back into his pocket. When he looked up again, Antonio hugged him. Lovino unintentionally froze but soon relaxed into Antonio´s embrace and hugged back.   
„I‘ve missed you.“ he mumbled. Lovino didn‘t almost catch it because it was muffled by his hair.  
He was never good with words, so he just squeezed him a little harder and enjoyed the hug. Who would have thought that Lovino Vargas was such a softy?  
They walked hand-in-hand to Antonio´s favourite place. Their conversation was about what they did this morning and what they want to do in the evening.  
„We could go to the cinema?“ Antonio suggested.  
„They don‘t play good stuff, currently.“ Lovino huffed.  
„Then a movie night at mine?“ he squeezed Lovi´s hand and smiled.  
Surprised, he looked at the Spaniard. „Is this okay for your mother?“  
„She has work this evening. This means we have the whole apartment just for us.“ he wiggled his eyebrows.  
Lovino shoved him playfully to the side and walked faster, which left the other boy on distance.  
„It was just a joke!“ he laughed, while trying to keep up with Lovino. When he reached the boy he got a hold of his hand again and linked their fingers together.  
„We don‘t have to meet at mine, if you don‘t want to.“ Antonio put Lovino´s knuckles to his lips. It left Lovino with a heavy blush.   
„Stop that and better show me where you live, you bastard.“ he muttered angrily to his feet.

Lovino sent his brother a quick text, that he would come home late and that he should also tell grandpa. Feliciano sent back a picture of his grandpa sleeping on the sofa. 

Feliciano  
He probably won‘t find out ;)

Lovino  
Still, tell him, when he wakes up

Lovino   
please ...

Feliciano  
Alright, if I‘m still home when he wakes up, I tell him. <3

Lovino  
Where are you going?

Feliciano  
Luddy wants to take me on a date <3<3<3

Lovino  
Why did I even ask

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the people, who do not know Ollie the polite cat:  
> https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/polite-cat


	4. Happy ends?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don`t own anything from the series.

When he put his phone away, Toni already put the film in they wanted to watch. Lovino awkwardly laid on his bed and pulled the blanket up to his chin.   
Antonio´s room was small and simple. The desk, bookshelf, bed and wardrobe was made of dark wood. The walls were white. On the space of the wall over Antonio´s bed, was a picture of him and his mother. His mother was beautiful with her dark curly hair like her son´s. Her eyes also had the same shade of green like Antonio´s. On the picture she looked very happy and smiled bright and warm into the camera.  
„The blanket fits two people, you know?“ Antonio asked while kneeing on the mattress.   
Lovino hold one corner of the blanket up, inviting him to share it. His gaze was still on the picture. „Your mother is really beautiful.“   
„Yeah, I‘m lucky that I take after her.“ Antonio smirked and got under the blanket.   
„What about your parents? You spoke about your grandpa but never about them.“ it still stung when somebody asked about Lovino´s parents.  
„They left. Twins didn‘t fit in with their lifestyle. People say, one kid one Ferrari. They chose the two Ferraris.“ Antonio put his arm over Lovino´s shoulders and pulled him closer.  
„I‘m sorry.“ he whispered.   
„There´s nothing to be sorry about. God gave us our free will. They chose money over family. I can just learn from that.“ This only was the top of the iceberg. When Lovino was a child, he often questioned what he did wrong. Why his parents didn‘t want him and his brother. Luckily their grandpa was there. Taking care of them like he once did of his daughter, who left him his grandchildren at his steps. With them was a note, telling him to give them a home, because she couldn‘t. When Lovino grew older he excepted his fate. He loved his grandpa, who was better than his parents. He could do what they couldn‘t. He is there for them.   
Antonio didn‘t say anything else. He sensed Lovino´s mood and instead of talking with him, just cradled him in his arms. He stroked through Lovi´s brown hair, while the movie began.  
It was new for Lovino, but he felt like home. It was comforting to be hold like that, protected in Antonio´s arms. In his mind he thanked his brother, who pushed him to do the risk. What risk even? At the end it didn‘t even feel like a risk anymore. He could take it as far as he wants, he had control over his own action.   
Lovino, full of confidence, put a hand on Antonio´s cheek. Surprised, he looked down to the boy, laying in his arms. A smile wanted to build up on his face, but it was stopped by Lovino´s lips on his. He pressed his body into Antonio´s and started to move his lips a little. Antonio overcame his surprise and kissed back. A muffled moan escaped Lovino´s mouth, and he started blushing. This wasn‘t like him, or was it? Antonio pressed Lovino into the mattress, now leading the kiss. He took Lovino´s bottom lip between his teeth, which set his body into flames. Lovino wanted more. He let one of his hands wander up from Antonio´s back to his neck, pressing him down. The other one got lost in his brown curls. A deep groan came from Antonio´s throat. Antonio pulled Lovino´s blue shirt up and his hands touched Lovino´s bare skin. He gently let his finger caress the sensitive skin over Lovino´s ribs. It let the Italian shudder. Their making out session was interrupted by a growl. They ignored it, and Antonio kissed and bit Lovino´s neck and collarbone, instead. Now, the growling got louder and Lovino laughed hoarsely.   
„Don‘t eat me.“ he whispered between faltered breaths.  
„What?“ Antonio stopped biting Lovino´s neck. Again, they could hear Antonio´s stomach growl. He laughed awkwardly and stood up.   
„Are you hungry, too? I could fetch something from the kitchen? Or we order a pizza? But if you don‘t want to eat we can go on were we had stopped?“   
„Please go and order a pizza, so I can keep my neck.“ He rubbed the forming dark bite marks on his skin, a small smile on his face.  
„Alright, I‘ll be right back!“ Antonio stormed out the door, leaving it open.  
Lovino fell back into the mattress, now fully smiling. He didn‘t thought that all this dating stuff could make a person so happy. He was wrong, maybe Antonio was his special someone. What he felt when Antonio kissed back was incredible. He made Lovino feel wanted and loved. For the first time, he wasn‘t scared to fall in love.   
His thoughts were interrupted by a buzzing phone. Somebody was calling Antonio. Lovino took his phone and looked, who was calling. There was a picture of a white-haired boy with red eyes, who kinda looked familiar. With white letters the phone remarked that Gilbert was calling. He wanted to press the red button, but accidentally pressed the green one instead.  
„Hey Toni, bro! Did you already got on the third base with the Vargas boy? Toni? Antoniooooo? Bro, don‘t say you´re still out of breath, I‘ve expected more from you. How disappointing! How´s a Vargas in bed, West won‘t tell-“   
Lovino had heard enough and ends the call. Now, he knew why Gilbert seemed familiar. He was Ludwig´s brother. And Antonio and him are friends. Gilbert knew who Antonio was out with, and he asked him if they already got on the third base. He sounded so expecting, what if this was Antonio´s intentions from the start? Just to get Lovino laid? Suddenly, Lovino only felt cold. He even started the kiss, and so played Antonio right into his arms. The blood rushed in his ears. He needs to get out of here. Right now! He jumped from the bed and ran down the stairs. At the door he started to put on his shoes. When he tied his shoelaces, Antonio came from the kitchen holding two tomatoes. He stopped watching Lovino tying his laces.   
„What are you doing? Did something happen?“ he put the tomatoes on a step of the staircase beside him. Lovino ignored him, still trying to make knot with shaking hands. He growled.  
„Lovino, tell me what´s wrong!“ Antonio touched his shoulder, and he lost it.  
„Don‘t fucking touch me!“ he barked. His eyes burned with unshed tears when he finally made a knot.  
„Lovi, please wait, tell me what´s wrong. What did I do?“ he again tried to get a hold of Lovino´s shoulders, but he shoved him away.  
„You sure wish you did, you stupi-“ his voice wavered, so he just opened the door and stormed outside, leaving the Spanish boy alone.

Back on the street on his way home he couldn‘t hold it together any more. They came to Antonio´s with his Regata. Lovino was fast with starting the engine from routine. He drove off trembling. When he saw Antonio´s house becoming smaller in his review mirror, he started crying. He didn‘t cried since he turned 15, when he tried to contact his parents and they never answered. Heavy sobs shook his body. He turned the music louder so it was less embarrassing for himself. How could he be so stupido to really believe that Antonio honestly liked him. Antonio, with his beautiful green eyes, who heroicly stood up for his mother to protect her. He was just Lovino, who stepped on everybodies feet. His parents left him, soon his brother will leave for one year and now Antonio. Hopefully his grandpa won‘t leave. He sobbed. This was the last time. The last time he put trust into another person. He won‘t give his heart away. Not again.  
He didn‘t know how he made it back home without any accidents because he almost saw nothing through his tears. Back in his street he waited in the car for some moments. He tried to get a hold of himself again. After he looked a bit less than his brother after watching Titanic, he went into his house. Luckily his brother wasn‘t home, and his grandpa still slept on the sofa. So he didn‘t need to answer questions. Staying silent, he went upstairs and laid down on his bed, welcoming sleep like an old friend. 

23 text messages and 7 missed calls from Antonio. These were the notifications on his phone for the rest of the week. When Lovino went to Feliciano´s graduation party, there was only one person in whole Rome, he didn‘t want to see. Antonio Hernández Carriedo.   
To go to the party, your name had to stand on the guest list. When you enter you would make a tick beside your name and then get a wrist ribbon, so you can go outside and enter again.   
Lovino searched for his name on the list at the letter C, he could feel his stomach sink. He knew that Antonio was on the party, because he also graduated like Feliciano, but to see it on the list still made him worry about a meeting.   
After he got his wrist ribbon, he went upstairs into the dance hall.   
The house, where the party was located, had 3 floors. On the ground floor you could find the bar, first floor the dance hall and second floor a lounge. The building also had rooftop terrace.  
He found Feliciano in the dance hall, dancing with his boyfriend. Lovino didn‘t want to interrupt something, so he just waved. Feliciano waved back, then whispered something into Ludwig´s ear. After that, he came to Lovino giving him a hug.   
„Fratello, you are late!“ he screamed, because the music was too loud.  
„I know, I am sorry.“ He didn‘t want to come, actually. „Still, congratulations! Now we both are free.“ he patted his brother´s shoulder.   
„Grazie! Would you mind if I go back dancing? You can come with me.“ Feli offered.  
„No, thanks. I‘ll go to check out the rooftop terrace.“   
His brother nodded and then got back on the dance floor, already singing loudly along to the song, which was playing. He screamed the chorus of Fireflies by Owl city. Hopefully nobody knows that they are related.   
From the rooftop terrace you could see the colosseo. Feliciano´s whole class put their spare money together to afford the house for this night. With this view, it really payed off.   
Lovino wasn‘t alone on the terrace. There were 4 girls talking to each other, sharing a bottle of cheap wine. He leaned over the railing and enjoyed the view. Rome at night will always be his favourite view. It‘s mostly red roofs, turned almost black. The small cars moving through the streets, looking, ironically, like fireflies. He felt a tap on his shoulder and turned around. There he stood with a suit and tie.   
„Hey.“ he said.   
„Hey.“ Lovino answered. „Congratulations.“  
„Gracias.“ Antonio smiled weakly at him. „ I-, well, you know- It is-“ he stuttered, searching for the right words.   
„I knew I would find you. You look really handsome in this suit.“ he finally said.  
Lovino clenched his fists and went red. What did this bastard know about him. Absolutely nothing. He thought he could find Lovino, and charm his pants off, but not on his watch!  
„Who do you even think you are? Turning up here, making compliments. After everything that happend!“ he exclaimed. He didn‘t care that the girls already looked curiously over to them because he made a scene.  
„That´s the point, I don‘t know what happened! All I witnessed is that you kissed me and then I went to get food and you ran outside like a maniac, not explaining why.“ Antonio responded frustrated. The girls stopped their conversation.  
„Oh, you fucking don‘t know, huh?! Well, I‘ll tell you. I kissed you and then you left, but your damn phone ringed, and I accidentally answered. It was your friend Gilbert.“ Lovino snarled.   
„And guess what he did ask. He asked if you already got on the fucking third base and how a Vargas-boy acts in bed. Unfortunately, you cannot tell him. I‘m sorry!“ he shook and his eyes burned. To let all those things out felt good. Even if it emotionally exhausted him.  
„This is why you left and didn‘t want to talk with me?“ Antonio asked calmly.  
„I have trusted you! I thought you are different like all these others, who just want meaningless sex! I gave you access to my heart, told you things, that I never talk about with anybody else. You played with me and now come here to me, acting like the innocent one!“  
Lovino´s throat burned. He was close to crying.   
One of the 4 girls quietly muttered: „Damn ...“  
Antonio´s soft features turned hard. His green eyes changed. There was something in them Lovino never saw before. Antonio was angry.  
„Did you, even once in your self-centred lifestyle, asked yourself how I feel about this whole thing?!“ Lovino tried to interrupt him but Antonio held up his hand, symbolizing silence.   
„You always just think about yourself! The first time you realized that you don‘t need me in your life, you just excluded me and decided to not even telling me why. Do you ask yourself, how I felt about it? You run around, shutting everybody out, letting nobody near you because you are afraid of getting hurt. Here is the joke, Lovino. Do you even realize that it is you who hurts people? Besides, Gilbert is a complete clown. He knew that I was meeting you, but nothing else! I don‘t have anything planned for that evening. I just wanted to spend time with you. Then it was you, who took us on the second base!“ he thundered. Lovino stayed silent, looking at Antonio with big eyes.   
„I thought that changed something between us. I thought, that you, from now on, would at least try to trust me. But no! You took the first chance to chicken out. Not explaining what I did wrong.“ his gaze got soft again, when he saw Lovino´s wet cheeks.   
„At one point you were partly right. I want to go with you on the third base, someday. I want to reach all fucking bases with you! Because I care for you. And if you weren‘t that god damn stubborn you wouldn‘t make it so hard for me to love you.“   
Lovino sobbed. This was too much. What had he thought? He stomped on everybody´s feelings his whole life now. Not realizing what damage he caused. He didn‘t deserve Antonio. He was selfish, too prideful and disruptive. He couldn‘t stop the tears, which blurred his vision.  
„Don‘t.“ he felt two warm hands on his cheeks. „Don‘t shut me out now. Not after everything we went through.“ Antonio wiped his tears away with his thumbs. He couldn‘t stop the sobs, which escaped his lips.  
„I-I don-don‘t deserve you. I don‘t deserve this.“ he tried to pull Antonio´s hand from his face.   
„Of course you deserve this. This is why I´m trying so hard. Hey, hey - look at me.“ he put a hand on Lovino´s chin, making him look up to him.   
„We try together, alright? Both of us could have played our part better. We take it slowly this time. We won‘t rush things. Just trust me. Please.“ Antonio caressed his cheeks again. Lovino just nodded. Antonio embraced him and hold him tightly against his chest. With one hand he went through Lovino´s brown hair. Lovino clasped on Antonio like on a lifeline.   
„We will get this. Others could do it, too. We won‘t be an exception.“ he whispered and kissed Lovino on his forehead.   
The 4 girls, they both forgot about, applauded. Antonio sent them a grateful smile. He nodded towards the door, telling them to give some privacy. They left the pair alone.

two months later

The beach was not crowded. The sun made the black sand almost too hot to walk barefoot. Lovino watched the waves break. The Mediterranean Sea was one of his favourite places to go. He loved the soft, black sand, although he found it between his stuff even days after the visit. In the distance he saw Antonio walking towards him. He carried a package, which he held up high, when he saw that Lovino was looking at him. Lovino laughed.  
„Here, fresh out of the oven.“ Antonio gave him the package full of pizza from the small shop near the beach.   
„Grazie.“ he pulled Antonio down and gave him a quick peck on the lips. The Spaniard sat down beside him, beaming.   
„Anything new from your brother?“ he asked through bites of his food.  
„His guest parent´s son tried to teach him how to fire a gun and Feliciano nearly cried, so he laughed at him.“   
Antonio laughed and put an arm around Lovino, who was silently eating his pizza.  
„You miss him, huh?“ he stated.  
„Of course, he is my stupid, dumb brother.“ He already was excited about Feli´s return to Italy. The house got silent after his brother left. The goodbye was hard. His brother couldn‘t even say propably fare well, because he cried so much. As hard as it was, Lovino believes in a happy reunion. He began to believe in Happy ends. With his free hand he took Antonio´s, giving it a squeeze.  
„But thankfully, I´m not completely alone.“

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to all my readers. This story helped me through my summer and I wasn`t sure if I should post it.


End file.
